Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Wealth of a Life Rich With Blessings
Holy moly it has been forever since I have sat down to write, and thanks to a little birdy currently in South Korea, I was reminded of my blog-neglect. It bums me out that I have gotten so caught up in being "busy" that I have failed to keep up with my blog, but better late than never.
Last night I was reminded without blessed I really am. For the last two days I was welcomed home by my hubby with dinner either prepared or started. Now, this may be the norm for others, but my dinner making, laundry doing husband is a total babe. That little saying on pinterest that says those moments you catch your husband doing housework are the most attractive- Ya, it's true. :) Beyond even those few examples, I really do wake up each day and find another reason I love him. I am so thankful that I was granted someone that I can laugh with and find joy in life with. My whole life I wondered what this portion of my life would look like and on most days it looks like a small house in North Dakota that lacks storage space and therefore has an abundance of disorganization, two big beasts of dogs that like to cuddle, a loving husband that makes me laugh, a classroom where I get to pursue my passion while learning as I teach each day, and usually a few jam sessions to my favorite songs on the radio each day I head to work.
Blessings are everywhere in our lives but often we are so distorted by negatives and stress in our daily life that we get sucked into feeling like we are missing something. My entire life has painted this beautiful present that I get to call home. The word home is an interesting word to me lately. After packing up and moving far from what had been "home" for so long, I wondered what North Dakota would be for me. We spent hours discussing our plans for the future and created timelines. I look at those conversations now and I smile because deadlines, timelines, and to-do lists have always been my defense mechanism for fear. Exhibit A.) My high school planners always had each line in them filled out. It did not matter if I had homework. I reminded myself of what I had already completed to prove to myself that I did everything I needed to do. The same goes for my college planner. The trend continues and each day on my desk I have about 5 post-it notes reminding me about things that I more than likely would never forget, but just in case. Fear of failing or losing control of the circus act I call life scares me. Those times where I do get to drop those plates, fail to keep on ball bouncing, or forget a responsibility are a constant reminder to me that the blessings I have present in my life are enough to keep my life moving and a smile on my face. The blessings that surround me each day are my foundation and as I age I have realized that location does not determine where your home is. Home is where you feel blessed. Home is where you feel whole and passionately satisfied with the world you have around you. I am home.
This weekend has been such a reminder of the friendships that bless my life. Before, during, and after the move one thing made me very nervous. Making friends as a woman can be difficult. I was afraid I wouldn't find people that I felt comfortable around. Once again, God works in mysterious ways. I have found friends that I have so much in common with. I made friends with people my age and older than I am. The lesson I have learned is that friendships look very different as an adult than they did while I was still in school. Last night I got to meet up with a friend and act silly and laugh a lot. We have had similar loss in our lives and I find comfort in knowing that there is someone else, very much like myself, that has learned that finding strength in difficult situations is far better than allowing yourself to suffer. She has a personality that is vibrant and doesn't take life to seriously. After all, her and I both understand that no one makes it out alive anyways. This morning and afternoon I got to spend time with another friend and then this evening met up with another. I was constantly being reminded that I have met such neat people on this journey and time spent in North Dakota. I have found people to love and build friendships with. Each day, each step of this journey, my life gets richer. Out of anything, I am blessed to say that I have a rich life full of family and friends. Each tear that I have cried, all of the loss, and the heartbreaks have given me the opportunity to find appreciation in each smile, each friend that I have gained, and the flutters and songs my heart sings in response to all of the love I have in my life.
I am a lucky, and very blessed girl.
May God bless you with the ability to see the blessings surrounding you.
Oh, and find time to smile.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
"We are learning"
It has been forever since I have taken the time to sit down and write. It has taken me this long to let my brain wind down. It is amazing how fast our brains are operating even when we try and put the brakes on. The thing that amazes me is that I find time to do so many things that create joy for me. On the days that feel like I am looking towards an infinity of tasks full of dread, I don't have enough time. When a day arrives that I want to get things done that I enjoy, time is created. Perhaps, our clocks are there as reminders that there really is little time to be had, but we have to find time for our happiness and joy.
Spare time in my schedule is spent coaching a high school cheerleading team. After cheering throughout the last half of high school and all through college, I couldn't give it up. The skills I learned from cheerleading have molded me into the woman I am today. Young women often lack confidence. Cheerleaders sometimes cheer to crowds of five people and still have to keep their "cool" and yell as loud as they can. Once, I was shouting at the crowd in front of me, only to have the stands go silent just long enough for my voice to crack. The group of women in front of me so kindly laughed and pointed at me. I was mortified...for 30 seconds. I quickly realized that this was a section finals game and if those women weren't planning on standing up and yelling, I was going to cheer for them as loud as I could regardless. Friendships are often more complicated for young women... or let's face it... for women in general. It was comforting knowing that I have a whole lot of loud mouths that were on my "team" and were willing to shout at me if I ever felt like falling down or breaking down. Anyways, long story short- I have been working on character development with my cheerleaders. It took me a long time to figure out that if your character is developed and big enough, no amount of discouragement can defeat you. Yes, I remind myself daily of that because there are going to be people that doubt, but that reminder makes my heart feel good, and by golly I like it!
The one thing I am constantly reminding the girls, my students, and myself for that matter is that "we are learning." Why do we break ourselves down? Why do we raise children to look first at what they are doing wrong? Why can't we focus on our strengths and then the areas of improvement. Now, don't get me wrong. I believe in competitiveness and I don't think everyone should get a trophy for everything. I believe that we should be teaching our children that humans unintentionally fail sometimes and that it hurts, but also that it provides an opportunity for redemption. I often get the response of "well they aren't learning fast enough!" from some of my cheerleaders. Ha, yes sometimes it seems like growth takes a long time. Sometimes it seems like it is getting worse, but there is so much good in our world and we continually focus on the bad or weak areas. I prefer to smile. I prefer to take a day off to center myself and give myself a day to "process" than to work, work, work until my head feels muddled and frustrated. I prefer to vent quickly and then laugh at the ridiculousness that we call "life."
I am going to be the hero of this story, whether my own mind things so or not. This is my story. You are writing your story. We are all on different paths. My goal for this week is not to be judging others for the decisions or choices they make, but rather to consider why they chose those routes. I have a lot to learn. I am learning. Our world is a beautiful place. The people around us (even the person eating cheese puffs in the cubicle next to you who is chewing so loudly you considered pushing the wall down) have traits that we can learn from, quirks that can make us smile, and experiences that we can reflect and grow from.
This ship will not sink. Regardless of my decisions I have made in my past, I am hoping that I can grow from each of those decisions. I hope that my experiences and my character can help guide my students and cheerleaders in a good direction where they know that whatever they do, they are creating opportunities. Moments to be proud and continue in a direction of good, or moments of redemption. After all, at points of questionable judgement I thought I was on top of the world, having fun, and making choices I wanted. I directed my own history and it is worth something. Besides, at some point we all need a few stories to look back on and think "wow...could I have had better judgement?" Ha! All of those are memories of love, lost love, friendships grown, friendships lost, laughter, tears, forward and backwards.
So, remember- we are learning. Each and everyone one of us are coming from a past of decisions and headed in the direction of our dreams. We aren't there yet, and young or old we have to make the decision to keep learning from the good rather than focusing on the misstep. Life is all about the dance right? My dance happens to be an Irish jig-polka-macarena-acrobatic-rave type dance that sometimes makes me sick to my stomach, makes my head hurt, and makes me laugh at myself very loudly. Good thing we've already discussed my love of laughter.
I'll write again sooner than later.
Me.
Spare time in my schedule is spent coaching a high school cheerleading team. After cheering throughout the last half of high school and all through college, I couldn't give it up. The skills I learned from cheerleading have molded me into the woman I am today. Young women often lack confidence. Cheerleaders sometimes cheer to crowds of five people and still have to keep their "cool" and yell as loud as they can. Once, I was shouting at the crowd in front of me, only to have the stands go silent just long enough for my voice to crack. The group of women in front of me so kindly laughed and pointed at me. I was mortified...for 30 seconds. I quickly realized that this was a section finals game and if those women weren't planning on standing up and yelling, I was going to cheer for them as loud as I could regardless. Friendships are often more complicated for young women... or let's face it... for women in general. It was comforting knowing that I have a whole lot of loud mouths that were on my "team" and were willing to shout at me if I ever felt like falling down or breaking down. Anyways, long story short- I have been working on character development with my cheerleaders. It took me a long time to figure out that if your character is developed and big enough, no amount of discouragement can defeat you. Yes, I remind myself daily of that because there are going to be people that doubt, but that reminder makes my heart feel good, and by golly I like it!
The one thing I am constantly reminding the girls, my students, and myself for that matter is that "we are learning." Why do we break ourselves down? Why do we raise children to look first at what they are doing wrong? Why can't we focus on our strengths and then the areas of improvement. Now, don't get me wrong. I believe in competitiveness and I don't think everyone should get a trophy for everything. I believe that we should be teaching our children that humans unintentionally fail sometimes and that it hurts, but also that it provides an opportunity for redemption. I often get the response of "well they aren't learning fast enough!" from some of my cheerleaders. Ha, yes sometimes it seems like growth takes a long time. Sometimes it seems like it is getting worse, but there is so much good in our world and we continually focus on the bad or weak areas. I prefer to smile. I prefer to take a day off to center myself and give myself a day to "process" than to work, work, work until my head feels muddled and frustrated. I prefer to vent quickly and then laugh at the ridiculousness that we call "life."
I am going to be the hero of this story, whether my own mind things so or not. This is my story. You are writing your story. We are all on different paths. My goal for this week is not to be judging others for the decisions or choices they make, but rather to consider why they chose those routes. I have a lot to learn. I am learning. Our world is a beautiful place. The people around us (even the person eating cheese puffs in the cubicle next to you who is chewing so loudly you considered pushing the wall down) have traits that we can learn from, quirks that can make us smile, and experiences that we can reflect and grow from.
This ship will not sink. Regardless of my decisions I have made in my past, I am hoping that I can grow from each of those decisions. I hope that my experiences and my character can help guide my students and cheerleaders in a good direction where they know that whatever they do, they are creating opportunities. Moments to be proud and continue in a direction of good, or moments of redemption. After all, at points of questionable judgement I thought I was on top of the world, having fun, and making choices I wanted. I directed my own history and it is worth something. Besides, at some point we all need a few stories to look back on and think "wow...could I have had better judgement?" Ha! All of those are memories of love, lost love, friendships grown, friendships lost, laughter, tears, forward and backwards.
So, remember- we are learning. Each and everyone one of us are coming from a past of decisions and headed in the direction of our dreams. We aren't there yet, and young or old we have to make the decision to keep learning from the good rather than focusing on the misstep. Life is all about the dance right? My dance happens to be an Irish jig-polka-macarena-acrobatic-rave type dance that sometimes makes me sick to my stomach, makes my head hurt, and makes me laugh at myself very loudly. Good thing we've already discussed my love of laughter.
I'll write again sooner than later.
Me.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Make the day bow down to you!
Today's reminder...
"Plans are made to be changed." - Mrs. Smesrud
Slow down, think happy, bend over backwards if you have to, but for heaven's sake, be flexible!
As I channel my inner vintage goddess, I'm wearing my bright blue ankle pants, cat eye glasses, and vintage crystal jewelry from my good friend, Candace. I am marching to the beat of my own drum, and I plan to make this day bow down to me and hand over all that it is good and fun. :)
After all, life is pretty boring if we don't jazz it up every once and a while!
Smile!
me.
"Plans are made to be changed." - Mrs. Smesrud
Slow down, think happy, bend over backwards if you have to, but for heaven's sake, be flexible!
As I channel my inner vintage goddess, I'm wearing my bright blue ankle pants, cat eye glasses, and vintage crystal jewelry from my good friend, Candace. I am marching to the beat of my own drum, and I plan to make this day bow down to me and hand over all that it is good and fun. :)
After all, life is pretty boring if we don't jazz it up every once and a while!
Smile!
me.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Body and Mind Language
Today has been a weird day. I would consider a product of still working towards adapting to the life of a first year, full-time teacher with a part-time, feels like full-time job as a coach, and to the life of being married to a police officer who just as of recently works the night shift. PHEW! It seems to me that every time I am the most busy, my mind is the most preoccupied, and my body is the most lazy. So, even though I have felt like I have been in a "funk" the last few days, I have still been trying to learn about myself. After all, I did promise that this blog would be a documentation of a journey towards more self-awareness and hopefully, through that, a journey towards more complete and recognized happiness.
Just about the same time that I started my blog, I signed up to follow the blog of Gretchen Rubin. I have been attempting to expose myself to any sort of inspiration that could allow me to better understand or learn about myself. Gretchen Rubin is the author of Happier at Home and she has created her career through her blog called "The Happiness Project." Fitting, huh? I plan on buying the book. On her blog, you can sign up to not only follow, but also get a daily happiness reminder. I am going to include a few of the reminders that I have received this week.
What an interesting thought. We all have those so called "skeletons" in our closet. Ironically, what I hide fits so well into this so-called journey of mine. The one thing I most often try to hide is the fact that I may be unhappy. Why is that? I am stumped as to why exactly I hide when I am unhappy, but I have a few theories.
Theory #1: I hope that if I forget that I am unhappy, I will fall into happiness. My issue with this theory is that unhappiness is also part of being human. In order to understand my happiest emotions, I need to have felt my worst, most heart-breaking, sad moments. What is so wrong with having a sad day?!
Theory #2: I don't like feeling unhappy moments because I reflect on my emotions far too often. Every moment that has made me cry, broke my heart, or hurt my feelings replays in my head. These short-films documenting my sadness are triggered by songs, phrases, movies, places, smells, and photos. Perhaps by discounting my sadness, my brain will forget to hit "record."
Theory #3: Number 2 leads me to my last theory. I have a fear of having my feelings discounted or hurt worse by someone else. One of my biggest pet-peeves is having someone tell me that it's not that bad or that I am thinking about it too much. I know I am thinking about it too much! That is probably why I would even consider spewing my feelings to you! Hurting someone's feelings is something that breaks my heart. I know that I have done it before and honestly, those are moments I replay over and over again in my head as well. My hope is that by showing kindness now, my heart will forgive me and draw me towards people who show the same kindness.
Those three theories should not be viewed as excuses. One more pet-peeve of mine. Just because I am full of wonderment and questions and ideas and theories does not mean that I am full of excuses. If I could get my brain to slow down, I would turn down the switch. However, I was granted this gift of constant reflection. I am going to take it and use it to ensure that I make the best decisions for me and mine and to ensure that I am also continuing to grow, learn, and be better.
Gretchen's next tip was to pay attention to any "tells." For those of you with poker knowledge you know what that means. Any hidden give aways that your self might be telling yourself. Her tip was to look for those personal tells in regards to levels of anxiety and stress. On days that I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed, but I don't really know, I generally eat. By eat, I mean that I take the phrase "eating your feelings" to a WHOLE new level. I also need extra sleep. I nap. I nap multiple times. I hit the snooze button. I turn off my alarm all together. I hug a lot. I need a lot of hugs. I will hug people around me or touch their arms or back because for some reason, my body craves even the slightest human recognition. I cry when I watch TV shows that shouldn't illicit tears. I for some reason am taken over by every emotion. If something is happy, I cry tears of happiness. If something is inspiring, I bawl like a baby. If something is sad... oh god, come back in an hour. I get stomach aches that could make a grown man cry. I listen to my music WAY too loud. Oh, and I sing...WAY too loud- Sorry to anyone whose ears bleed because of the last "tell."
On a side note, I also paid attention to Hailey's (my chocolate lab, currently going through her terrible-twos) "tells." This week she destroyed two pairs of my shoes, only to proceed to puke on the couch. Good thing I shop at k-mart and pay less, Hailey. Even though I was mourning the loss of two pairs of work shows, she got me to "like" her again. Today- during my funk and watching the super sad movie "Extemely Loud and Incredibly Close" I cried (personal tell). Hailey came over and licked my face, wiping off every tear. Dogs are so special...and at times little terrors to the shoe stash & young-adult budget.
If we pay attention to everything that our bodies tell us, we would probably be very surprised. Those two tips from Gretchen go so well together. We try to hide things without even noticing, then our body has secret tells that try to get our attention so that we can manage ourselves. I need to give myself a break and be more understanding and receptive to all emotions. Although it may seem that sometimes we do exactly what our mind or heart DON'T need, it may not be the case. As it turns out, our physical self and mental self are on the same team after all. Today, I am grateful for that.
Thanks for reading...here's to happiness & reading our own body language!
me.
Just about the same time that I started my blog, I signed up to follow the blog of Gretchen Rubin. I have been attempting to expose myself to any sort of inspiration that could allow me to better understand or learn about myself. Gretchen Rubin is the author of Happier at Home and she has created her career through her blog called "The Happiness Project." Fitting, huh? I plan on buying the book. On her blog, you can sign up to not only follow, but also get a daily happiness reminder. I am going to include a few of the reminders that I have received this week.
What an interesting thought. We all have those so called "skeletons" in our closet. Ironically, what I hide fits so well into this so-called journey of mine. The one thing I most often try to hide is the fact that I may be unhappy. Why is that? I am stumped as to why exactly I hide when I am unhappy, but I have a few theories.
Theory #1: I hope that if I forget that I am unhappy, I will fall into happiness. My issue with this theory is that unhappiness is also part of being human. In order to understand my happiest emotions, I need to have felt my worst, most heart-breaking, sad moments. What is so wrong with having a sad day?!
Theory #2: I don't like feeling unhappy moments because I reflect on my emotions far too often. Every moment that has made me cry, broke my heart, or hurt my feelings replays in my head. These short-films documenting my sadness are triggered by songs, phrases, movies, places, smells, and photos. Perhaps by discounting my sadness, my brain will forget to hit "record."
Theory #3: Number 2 leads me to my last theory. I have a fear of having my feelings discounted or hurt worse by someone else. One of my biggest pet-peeves is having someone tell me that it's not that bad or that I am thinking about it too much. I know I am thinking about it too much! That is probably why I would even consider spewing my feelings to you! Hurting someone's feelings is something that breaks my heart. I know that I have done it before and honestly, those are moments I replay over and over again in my head as well. My hope is that by showing kindness now, my heart will forgive me and draw me towards people who show the same kindness.
Those three theories should not be viewed as excuses. One more pet-peeve of mine. Just because I am full of wonderment and questions and ideas and theories does not mean that I am full of excuses. If I could get my brain to slow down, I would turn down the switch. However, I was granted this gift of constant reflection. I am going to take it and use it to ensure that I make the best decisions for me and mine and to ensure that I am also continuing to grow, learn, and be better.
Gretchen's next tip was to pay attention to any "tells." For those of you with poker knowledge you know what that means. Any hidden give aways that your self might be telling yourself. Her tip was to look for those personal tells in regards to levels of anxiety and stress. On days that I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed, but I don't really know, I generally eat. By eat, I mean that I take the phrase "eating your feelings" to a WHOLE new level. I also need extra sleep. I nap. I nap multiple times. I hit the snooze button. I turn off my alarm all together. I hug a lot. I need a lot of hugs. I will hug people around me or touch their arms or back because for some reason, my body craves even the slightest human recognition. I cry when I watch TV shows that shouldn't illicit tears. I for some reason am taken over by every emotion. If something is happy, I cry tears of happiness. If something is inspiring, I bawl like a baby. If something is sad... oh god, come back in an hour. I get stomach aches that could make a grown man cry. I listen to my music WAY too loud. Oh, and I sing...WAY too loud- Sorry to anyone whose ears bleed because of the last "tell."
On a side note, I also paid attention to Hailey's (my chocolate lab, currently going through her terrible-twos) "tells." This week she destroyed two pairs of my shoes, only to proceed to puke on the couch. Good thing I shop at k-mart and pay less, Hailey. Even though I was mourning the loss of two pairs of work shows, she got me to "like" her again. Today- during my funk and watching the super sad movie "Extemely Loud and Incredibly Close" I cried (personal tell). Hailey came over and licked my face, wiping off every tear. Dogs are so special...and at times little terrors to the shoe stash & young-adult budget.
If we pay attention to everything that our bodies tell us, we would probably be very surprised. Those two tips from Gretchen go so well together. We try to hide things without even noticing, then our body has secret tells that try to get our attention so that we can manage ourselves. I need to give myself a break and be more understanding and receptive to all emotions. Although it may seem that sometimes we do exactly what our mind or heart DON'T need, it may not be the case. As it turns out, our physical self and mental self are on the same team after all. Today, I am grateful for that.
Thanks for reading...here's to happiness & reading our own body language!
me.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Capturing Happy
WHOA! 118 Page views in one day? I didn't know this is what the world of blogging would be like. I also didn't think that my first blog would inspire me and get my wheels turning this quickly. I have been writing for a long time. I remember sitting in my room, writing poetry about friendships, relationships, and my middle school aged life. I also remember the first time I wanted to put my poetry in a contest. I was proud of it. I asked my English teacher at the time to please read through a few samples and tell me which she thought would be appropriate to enter. Instead of getting anything positive back, I received my notebook back with red ink smeared all over it. I received "constructive criticism" saying that my poetry was not written correctly. I think that was the last time I showed anyone my writing. In my mind, my poetry was written exactly the way it should have been. It was mine and they were my thoughts.
Memories, even from a really long time ago still shape human interaction. In most ways, I would perceive myself as a confident, go-getter. In some ways, I would perceive myself as an individual who cares too much about my reputation, and who concentrates too much on fear. Today I have been thinking a lot about happiness and what it means. Even though I am constantly fearful of consequences of actions and perpetually reflecting on my journey towards my dreams, I do things I find important. I have been watching a lot Ted videos. If you haven't watched any of these videos, I would recommend it. Their motto is "ideas worth sharing." I love that. That may as well be the motto for blogs. People are so interconnected and able to learn from one another that in a sense we all have ideas worth sharing. My revelation today is that we all have preconceived notions of how things should be. Maybe we should be concentrating in all of the different ways that things could be? If you look up more ways to achieve happiness (yes, after watching a documentary on happiness, I googled this) you will see that people who have variety in life are often times happier. I need to work on that.
You see, I am a creature that enjoys ritually doing things the same way. The husband often thinks that I am just stubborn. Yes, that is true, but I really enjoy my comfort zone. I need to work on using different processes. I eat new foods, I like adventures, but when it comes to cleaning the house- oh baby, that better happen the same way I have done it since the beginning of time. Although I don't clean as often as I should, when I do, you could lick my floor.
One of the ideas that was presented in the documentary "Happy," my netflix of choice while husband is still sleeping, was that as we age, our dopamine receptors start to die off. How scary is that?! As we age, we may find it harder to channel and feel happiness. They did notice that people who used their brains and these dopamine receptors more often, didn't lose them as quickly. I guess the saying, if you don't use it, you will lose it applies to happiness too. I plan on using my happiness receptors as often as I can. What about you?
(side note: one of my dogs is currently snoring so loud in the kitchen that I can hear her from the couch. Happiness? Ya, that makes me giggle.)
Since I live in the United States and teach world history, this quote caught my eye today...
Smile- Talk to you soon,
Me
Memories, even from a really long time ago still shape human interaction. In most ways, I would perceive myself as a confident, go-getter. In some ways, I would perceive myself as an individual who cares too much about my reputation, and who concentrates too much on fear. Today I have been thinking a lot about happiness and what it means. Even though I am constantly fearful of consequences of actions and perpetually reflecting on my journey towards my dreams, I do things I find important. I have been watching a lot Ted videos. If you haven't watched any of these videos, I would recommend it. Their motto is "ideas worth sharing." I love that. That may as well be the motto for blogs. People are so interconnected and able to learn from one another that in a sense we all have ideas worth sharing. My revelation today is that we all have preconceived notions of how things should be. Maybe we should be concentrating in all of the different ways that things could be? If you look up more ways to achieve happiness (yes, after watching a documentary on happiness, I googled this) you will see that people who have variety in life are often times happier. I need to work on that.
You see, I am a creature that enjoys ritually doing things the same way. The husband often thinks that I am just stubborn. Yes, that is true, but I really enjoy my comfort zone. I need to work on using different processes. I eat new foods, I like adventures, but when it comes to cleaning the house- oh baby, that better happen the same way I have done it since the beginning of time. Although I don't clean as often as I should, when I do, you could lick my floor.
One of the ideas that was presented in the documentary "Happy," my netflix of choice while husband is still sleeping, was that as we age, our dopamine receptors start to die off. How scary is that?! As we age, we may find it harder to channel and feel happiness. They did notice that people who used their brains and these dopamine receptors more often, didn't lose them as quickly. I guess the saying, if you don't use it, you will lose it applies to happiness too. I plan on using my happiness receptors as often as I can. What about you?
(side note: one of my dogs is currently snoring so loud in the kitchen that I can hear her from the couch. Happiness? Ya, that makes me giggle.)
Since I live in the United States and teach world history, this quote caught my eye today...
The constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness.
It is your job to catch it.
- Ben Franklin
I am not really sure how I capture happy on a daily basis, but I want to start paying more attention to that. Today, I woke up and cuddled my dogs. It made me happy. Today, I made blueberry muffins. They smelled good. The smell made me smile. Today, I drank an extra cup of coffee just because I wanted to and because I could. I liked that. Today, I let my dogs out and noticed that it was thundering, even though the sun was still out. I thought that was neat. Today, it is 1:30 in the afternoon on a holiday and I am still in my pajamas. It is aaaaammmmaaazzzziiinnnnggg. The fact of the matter is, however, we all capture happiness differently. I am sure that a fly on the wall of my life would be wondering when this couch potato is going to get her butt moving. Well ya know what, Mr. Fly? It is my holiday, I plan on doing things just how I see fit today.
Smile- Talk to you soon,
Me
Sunday, September 2, 2012
The Good Life
I don't know what has driven me to the land of blogging, but I feel that I have words within me which would make more sense if they are written. While I write, I plan to document the reflections and thoughts that cross my mind and my path towards a journey of "betterment" - whatever that means. I have realized that for some reason, even on days that my feet feel too heavy to get out of bed, I surprise myself with moments that flash before my eyes and literally stop my thoughts and bring my heart to a stand still. Perhaps I am an uncontrollable optimist, but I feel that long ago I made a promise to myself that regardless of the challenge I am up against, I will not be defeated.
I fly by own wings, with the support of a family that many who haven't seen us "operate" wouldn't believe. We stand up to one another. We yell at each other. We cry with one another. More than anything, we laugh with one another. Laughter is what has built my family's relationships, and laughter is what repairs our relationships when things aren't "perfect." I prefer to take the devil's advocate for things. I prefer to put myself second. To be honest, I prefer to be right. There is something in my brain that causes me to struggle taking fault. It is not that I think I have no areas for improvement, it is more than likely because I am constantly asking questions and theorizing about reasons why things are the way they are. Instead of just saying, "hi. I screwed up." I prefer to say, "I am sorry I screwed up. I probably chose to do that because..." I know it drives my husband crazy. I am hoping that down the road, you know, further than 1 month of marriage in, he will realize that I give him those same benefits of the doubt when he gets a little unruly. My family's inability to have a quiet conversation has given me a strong voice. Without them, my confidence would surely be different. Without them, I have a feeling I would be more easily defeated. Instead, when I feel like giving up, I have very loud, very passionate voices both from my family here with me and the voices of my father and sister from up above telling me to stand up, suck it up, and move forward. Even when I have disappointed them, they have been proud of me. Family is a gift. Mine came with a big red bow on it.
Tonight, during a transition for my husband to work night shifts, I am sitting alone in my living room with a cup of tea, my netflix account, and two very large, very lazy chocolate labs. Although it isn't perfect, although I am missing something that seems like a necessity of being married (my vision of husband and wife winds down together in the evening and reflects on their day together before resting their heads), I think I have learned something. This evening, my netflix movie of choice was "You Can't Be Neutral On A Moving Train" - a documentary on a past Harvard Professor, Historian, Social Activist, and Author Howard Zinn. Proudly I claim my "nerdom" but I do suggest that people watch this video. Yes it is a documentary. Yes it lacks action, laughs, and steamy romance. Yes, you will be inspired. The quote that stood out to me and connected most with my feelings this evening was this...
I fly by own wings, with the support of a family that many who haven't seen us "operate" wouldn't believe. We stand up to one another. We yell at each other. We cry with one another. More than anything, we laugh with one another. Laughter is what has built my family's relationships, and laughter is what repairs our relationships when things aren't "perfect." I prefer to take the devil's advocate for things. I prefer to put myself second. To be honest, I prefer to be right. There is something in my brain that causes me to struggle taking fault. It is not that I think I have no areas for improvement, it is more than likely because I am constantly asking questions and theorizing about reasons why things are the way they are. Instead of just saying, "hi. I screwed up." I prefer to say, "I am sorry I screwed up. I probably chose to do that because..." I know it drives my husband crazy. I am hoping that down the road, you know, further than 1 month of marriage in, he will realize that I give him those same benefits of the doubt when he gets a little unruly. My family's inability to have a quiet conversation has given me a strong voice. Without them, my confidence would surely be different. Without them, I have a feeling I would be more easily defeated. Instead, when I feel like giving up, I have very loud, very passionate voices both from my family here with me and the voices of my father and sister from up above telling me to stand up, suck it up, and move forward. Even when I have disappointed them, they have been proud of me. Family is a gift. Mine came with a big red bow on it.
Tonight, during a transition for my husband to work night shifts, I am sitting alone in my living room with a cup of tea, my netflix account, and two very large, very lazy chocolate labs. Although it isn't perfect, although I am missing something that seems like a necessity of being married (my vision of husband and wife winds down together in the evening and reflects on their day together before resting their heads), I think I have learned something. This evening, my netflix movie of choice was "You Can't Be Neutral On A Moving Train" - a documentary on a past Harvard Professor, Historian, Social Activist, and Author Howard Zinn. Proudly I claim my "nerdom" but I do suggest that people watch this video. Yes it is a documentary. Yes it lacks action, laughs, and steamy romance. Yes, you will be inspired. The quote that stood out to me and connected most with my feelings this evening was this...
"...we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future.
The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now
as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all
that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."
- Howard Zinn
Of course, for my first post I probably have zero readers, but if there is a reader out there in the wide expanse called the internet, take a second to think on that quote. People get stuck thinking about the greener grass and the Jones' all the time. Why? Are we honestly waiting for this utopia called the good life? Maybe the good life is waking up 30 minutes before church, but going anyways. Maybe the good life is a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, warm tea and netflix? Maybe the good life is sharing a hug and a kiss in the middle of a messy kitchen and not caring for one second that you napped all day. Many things could screw up my day. A lot more things could create a smile.
If I take time to learn, I will make time to grow. Each time I reflect on a day, I am hoping that I find something to learn from. My goal for tomorrow is to form habits of kindness. I want to spend more time listening (that is extremely hard and at times painful for me- jabber jaw is hard to subdue) and more time laughing. Perhaps as I learn, I can also teach these thoughts and habits to my students. I have told them that each of us is a social scientist in some way, and I think I look at life from a historian's perspective. I am writing my own personal history each day by the decisions I make. I am creating my legacy. Nobody wakes up on the right side of the bed and is great. Being great takes hard work. Wow, even being remotely good takes hard work. My legacy is not something I want to leave up to chance. How people think of me and remember me long from now is a task I want to care for and be thoughtful of. What do you want your legacy to be?
You see, sometimes loving life doesn't mean that I am smiling. Sometimes loving life means that even though I end my day with a tear, I am beginning the next day having learned about myself, the world I live in, and the things in life that are worth enjoying and loving.
Smile, I'll write to you again soon.
Me
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